Zell's Wacky Inventions 5:Attack of the GM veggies
by Flayme
Summary: FINALLY! The 5th wacky inventions fic is up! This time, Cid's turned vegetarian andzell won't have a bit of it! His revenge goes a little out of hand when mutant plants terrorise garden! Uh-Oh! Rated PG 13 for swearing and Pot-smoking doctors!


Zell's wacky inventions 5-Attack of the GM veggies!  
Roses are red, bluebells are..errr...green? No, red? Or is it orange? Oh forget it...I don't own FF so nuts to you! Hi fans! It's meeeee again! I apologise for my 4th fic, that was my jealous mate's practical joke to try and ruin my reputation, it has now been deleted. Thankyou for all your reviews! And lots of thanx especially to Carbuncle and Emerald eyes, your reviews always cheer me up ^_^! Anyway, the moral to this one is...."Eat your vegetables....BEFORE THEY EAT YOU!" lol I never said it was a good moral but anyway....awwwww here goes!  
  
(The scene is in Balamb garden, Zell's lieing face-down on his bed, depressed....poor guy)  
Zell:WHY? OH GREAT HYNE, WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SO?  
(Someone knocks on the door)  
????:Hello? Zell, can I come in?  
Zell:GO AWAY!  
????:It's me, Selphie...  
Zell:I DON'T CARE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!  
Selphie:I'm comin iiiinnn (opens the door)  
Zell:I thought I told you to go away..  
Selphie:Oh come on Zell...  
Zell:NO! Life for me will never be the same since Cid turned vegetarian...I still can't belive he wants everyone else to go veggie too....  
Selphie:Come on...it's not THAT bad...  
Zell:YES IT IS! (Gazes at the cieling) WHY DO YOU MOCK ME O HYNE?  
Selphie:Errrr..Zell, that isn't Hyne, it's a pancake that got stuck to the ceiling last month..(it falls down and lands on Zell's head)  
Zell:(eats it) mmmm...sacreligious....  
Selphie:Ewww...you need help..  
Zell:I don't need help....I NEED HOT DOGS!!!  
Selphie:Errrr..gotta run! (runs outta the door)  
  
(Selphie runs to the libary area where the others are waiting)  
Irvine:Any luck?  
Selphie:Nope, let's face it, he's gone MENTAL  
Quistis:He's probably depressed because he thinks it's HIS fault...after that Tofu Dog war he decided to turn vegetarian...  
Selphie:I'd say he probably got hit a few too many times in the head by stray tofu dogs..  
(everyone laughs)  
Irvine:Hey, I know this may sound weird but do ya think Cid's smoking weed?  
(everyone stares at him)  
Irvine:WHAT? Last thing I heard was that he's growing herbs up in his room...as well as an unkown plant..  
Selphie, Squall and Rinoa:It's weed....  
Quistis:I seriously doubt that, being an instructor I've gotten to know Cid quite well...I've been seeing him a lot recently and I don't think he's on drugs...  
(everyone tries not to laugh)  
Irvine:You dirty thing....  
Squall:A lot recently eh?  
Rinoa:Wait till Edea finds out...  
Selphie:Ooooohhhh....scandelous!  
(they all burst out laughing)  
Quistis:I'm SURROUNED by idiots....  
  
(Meanwhile in Zell's room, zell's got his chemistry set out again, and he's cooking up a little REVENGE....)  
Zell:Heeheeheehahaha!!! I'll teach him to make ME eat vegetables!!! HE'LL WISH HE NEVER GOT IN THE WAY OF ZELL DINCHT'S HOT DOGS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
(he carries on mixing his chemicals, then there's a loud explosion)  
Zell:It's ready...now to try it out..  
(he tips some of the chemicals onto a plant he has next to him)  
Zell:It works! IT WORKS!!!!! REVENGE IS MINE!!!!  
  
(Later that day, Squall's walking down the hallway, going to check on Zell, when zell comes running out of his room, carrying a bottle)  
Squall:Hey! Zell! Where're you going?  
Zell:NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!  
(Squall looked inside zell's room and saw Zell's chemistry set on the floor, and a cage labelled "Experiment A" with some kind of creature inside)  
Squall:What's THAT?  
(Squall looked inside the cage, and what seemed to be some kind of a mutant plant, sort of like a small grat, was glaring at him)  
Squall:I wonder what he's up to this time?  
(Suddenly, the mutant plant releases some kind of red smoke)  
Squall:What the...coff coff is this? coff I can't breathe! coff coff  
(Squall passes out, dropping the cage. The top of the cage comes off, and the little plant-monster escapes and runs down the hallway)  
  
(Meanwhile, Zell is sneaking into Headmaster Cid's room, still holding a bottle of chemicals, Cid is out on his balcony, so Zell sneaks in)  
Zell:Cid's stupid plants+My secret formula=a recipe for disaster! (he runs around and pours the secret formula into all of Cid's plants)  
Cid:(on the balcony) Groovy man....Woah, clouds...(he's smoking a spliff)  
Zell:Hee hee hee hee.....now to run and watch the fun! (he runs out)  
  
(In the hall, the plant monster dives into the fountain and starts drinking the water....and it starts getting bigger as well....evenually, Nida (the garden pilot) who's taking a break, notices it)  
Nida:What's that?  
Plant:(Now the size of a large dog) SCREEEEEROOWWWW!!  
Nida:Woah! It's a monster! FIRE! (a fireball hits the plant, but with little effect) THIS AINT NO GRAT!  
Plant:SCREEEEEEE!!!! (It releases a green cloud)  
Nida:NOOOO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME! AGGGGHHHH!!!!! HELP!!!!  
  
(Zell is watching this from the floor above)  
Zell:OH NO! How did experiment "A" get loose?  
(A girl is standing next to him)  
Girl:What is that thing? It's HUGE! What's that it's holding?  
Zell:CHRIST!!!! IT'S NIDA!!!  
(Zell takes the elevator down to the floor below)  
  
(Zell finally gets down to the floor below, experiment "A" is gone, and Nida is lying on the floor)  
Zell:NIDA! Are you okay?  
Nida:I don't know....I feel sick  
Zell:I'd better get you to the hospital wing...(he runs off carrying Nida)  
  
(In the Hospial wing)  
Zell:Will he be okay Dr.Wackybaccy?  
(Dr.Kadowaki had retired, so Dr.Wackybaccy, a Jamaican, had taken over)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Me dunno, mon....he doesn't seem to have improved even with the wackbaccy treament I've given him...(that's weed folks)  
Nida:SHIT!! AGGGGHHHHH!!!!  
(A load of mini plant monsters burst out of Nida)  
Zell:Oh my god! They killed Nida!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:You bastards, mon!  
  
(In Cid's room, all of his plants have mutated as well and are attacking him, but since he's on weed he doesn't seem to care)  
Plant monster #1:RAAGGGGHHH!!!!  
Cid:Peace man....PEACE! Not war, PEACE! You want a spliff?  
Plant monster #1:(eats Cid) BUUUURRRRPPPP!!!!  
Cid:(from inside the monster) So, like, is that a no, man? You square...only sqares eat other dudes...  
  
(Back in the hospital wing)  
Zell:Oh man! I forgot about Cid!  
(Dr.Dre's song "Forgot about Dre"starts playing)  
  
(Meanwhile, somewhere else)  
Flayme:Oi! Sparky! I never said you could put one of your spontanious music clips in there!!!  
Sparky:But siiiis....I thought it would be funny...  
Flayme:Look, here's a tip for ya, DON'T THINK! JUST DO WHAT I SAY!  
Sparky:Oh alright then....(shuts the music off)  
Flayme:Aaaaannnnddd....REWIND! Back to the fic..  
  
(In the hospital wing)  
Zell:Oh man! I forgot about Cid!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:You go help Cid, mon. I'll remove tha corpse and make it look like suicide, mon.  
(Zell runs off)  
  
(Meanwhile, Rinioa, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine are chatting in the libary, when they hear cries for help and sceaming)  
Quistis:Hey, whats that?  
Irvine:It sounds like a cry for help...  
Rinoa:Let's go..  
Selphie:But whyyyy...why do WE always have to help people? We're not spandex-wearing superheroes....I mean...(she realises that the others have left without her) HEY! Guys! Wait for meeee!!!! (runs after them)  
  
(Zell and the others meet near the fountain and see....TOTAL CHAOS! Mutant plants are EVERYWHERE and are doing things like eating people and generally creating havoc. In the middle of them all, there is a huge plant monster...it's probably about 30ft tall)  
Zell:Oh god what have I done....  
Irvine:(hears him) Zell! You mean that this is YOUR fault?  
Quistis:No suprizes there...  
Zell:Forget that! Look who its holding! (he points at the huge monster, in one of its "hands" it's holding..)  
Rinoa:SQUALL!  
Irvine:But how are we gonna beat some thing that big?  
Student #1:Hey! It's a bird!  
Student #2:No, it's a plane!  
????:No you idiots its me, FLAYME!  
Zell:What the....?  
Flayme:Here she comes to save the daaaaayyyy....  
(swings down on a rope towards the monster)  
Flayme:Eat this! Firag....AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (it opens its mouth and swallows her)  
Irvine:Well that was....  
Selphie:Short.  
Zell:So....HOW ARE WE GONNA BEAT THIS THING????  
Quistis:First of all, zell....WHAT IS IT?  
Zell:Well, that'll be experiment A....I nicked some of Cid's pot and added my secret formula to it....  
Selphie:So in other words, this thing'll probably make 10000000,0000000,00000000,00000 spliffs...  
Zell:Excactly...  
Quistis:I have an idea!  
(Quistis brings in a blackboard and chalk and starts explaining her incredibly complicated plan)  
Quistis:and then we do this.....blah blah....and oh, we musn't forget this...  
(While Quistis is explaining and everyone is falling asleep, Dr.Wackybaccy comes in, smoking a spliff)]  
Dr.Wackybaccy:WOAH MON! What's this den? (he stares at the plant monster and drops his spliff in shock) Whoops, there goes me spliff, mon....  
(His lit spliff touches the monsters foot and the monster burns up, and since the leader of the plant monsters is dead, all the others drop dead too)  
Irvine:What the hell?  
Zell:It was Dr.Wackbaccy! His spliff burnt it up!  
Dr.Wackbaccy:I did it mon!  
(Flayme is sitting where the monster was)  
Flayme:SPARKY!  
(Sparky appears in a flash of lightning)  
Sparky:Wot?  
Flayme:Just coz I tried saving them, you re-wrote the ending, didn't you!  
Sparky:I'm sorry sis...  
Flayme:Your ass is gonna be on the barbacue later...  
Sparky:I'm SORRY!  
Flayme:Let's go...it's too cold for me here...  
Sparky:But sis, it's summer...  
Flayme:SILENCE FOOL! I AM FLAYME, MISTRESS OF FIRE!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU!  
Sparky:Uh Oh...i'd better get us outta here before she hurts me....damn that evil-ness of hers..(they both disappear)  
  
  
  
  
  
END!  
  
  
  
  
(Back in Squall's room, Squall (who has been unconcious up to now) wakes up. Rinoa comes in)  
Rinoa:Squally? Are you alright? I heard you got attacked...  
Squall:Yeah, I'm fine....  
Rinoa:OK....bye! (leaves)  
Squall:Yeah, I never felt better....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!! (laughs evilly and his eyes glow red)  
  
  
  
  
THE REAL END^_^! (or is it........)  
  
  
  
  
  



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